I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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