one two three fourrrrnication!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
