Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
