how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
