i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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