I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
