fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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