what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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