sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
