Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
