He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
