Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
