My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
