if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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