just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
