you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
