Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
