I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
