and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
