it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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