Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
