Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
