Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
