if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
