at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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