I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's blow job season.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
