Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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