i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
