The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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