My sheets look like a crime scene.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
