Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
