winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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