I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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