No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
