I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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