May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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