My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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