Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
