You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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