you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
