Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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