Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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