I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
