whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex on a dog bed..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
