I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
