1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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