cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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