In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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