We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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