the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
