After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
