k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
