i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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