You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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