Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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