She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
