I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
