I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
