oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
