this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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