you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
