Christians are straight up FREAKS
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
