So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
