HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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