why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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