I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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